your presence.

Do you know that feeling of always feeling misplaced? 

You can’t be happy at the moment, even when people surround you with so much love and kindness. You’re always three steps too far ahead to enjoy anything at all, and at the same time, you’re thinking of stupid little things you’ve said in the past and picking at every word. 

There is always something to think about.

A hundred different thoughts that require every ounce of your attention flow endlessly through the river-like stream of worry in your mind.

But we’re human. We can’t be everywhere at once. 

For a while, I thought that the best way to deal with these intrusive thoughts would be to write it all down. That way, everything would be organized, real, and written on paper. I felt like it relieved me because I could see what I was thinking about, and sometimes it wouldn’t seem as scary as it seemed in my head. So, in a way, it did help. 

However,  it wasn’t a permanent solution. I often found myself drifting away when these anxious thoughts invaded, and I hated it. I could never be present. 

But recently I learned that you just need one moment, one person, one second of your life where you feel completely present to realize what you’ve been missing. That one thing to remind you how much more life you have left to live other than just worrying about one single detail that won’t mean anything in 10 years. 

And even though your mind will still wander once in a while, and you get a little lost, it’ll be alright.

It’ll be alright because you’ll have that one reminder that life can be more than just something you need to get done and check off the list.

Some things are more valuable than a number on a piece of paper, a value on a scale, and an imaginary “could be” life that only lies in your head. 

I want to experience more of these moments, with more of these people, who can pull me out of the volatile cycle of doubt and unease whenever I think of them.

Don’t you? 

To those reminders that finally woke me up, thank you.